It's been a while

It's been a while since I last was on here and so much has changed, yet I have no idea where to even begin nor do I really know if I can really find the words. Let's see...I started a new job on November 26th, that's a pretty big change that wasn't really expected, I mean it was but it wasn't. I am kind of still struggling with this one and think that I probably will be for a while. I now have a full time job with benefits which is quiet nice. I am still learning it all, but I will get it and hopefully be successful in it. It was really hard to say goodbye to my old job but Im not sure I have fully said it yet. When I announced I was leaving it was tough, but I still had a job to do and a big event ahead of me so I just put on a smile and got the job done, the job ended stuff happened, Thanksgiving came and I started the new job. I kind of just hit the ground running and didn't really have time to look back so I just kept on trucking, then Christmas break happened. I went on a little trip, worked at the restaurant, hung out with the family, and then I think I had too much free time and reality start to hit or something. Now it's March after a hard week and I'm still wondering about things, but decisions have been made and a job need to be done. I just hope to find peace in these decisions, which I'm missing. It's getting a little harder. Can you ever get past the hurt that's felt? Can you ever get past the disappointment felt? Do you really become a stronger person when all is said and done? Right now I am so hurt...7 years somewhere and completely rejected. Thanks, right? Lately I've been reflecting on my past and have been missing the fun adventurous part of me. What happened to me? Why have I become so serious lately? Why do I have stupid standards? Why can't I be like most 25 year olds going out and having fun? I miss the person I once was, will I ever be somewhat like that person again? Nothing wrong with remembering the past but I need to remember that's the past and not who I am anymore...and I'm sure their is a reason for it. I've also lately had to dig deep some to help a friend in need, which I feel honored to be there for them but yet scary. I've been able to share personal experiences and been able I think to comfort which has been nice and hopeful it helped make a difference. I hope that ive been of assistance but it's hard to truly tell really. I've always said that things happen for a reason I have no clue why I've struggled so much in my life but because of some of those struggles I'm able to listen to my friend, support them, advise them on my experiences, and try to be understanding because of similar situations. It's always so nice to have that reason I've been searching for shows up yet hard to dig up a past that hurt me but that has also made me stronger. But it's worth it to comfort a friend right? Also in all of this that is going on I made a decision to let go of a path but perhaps maybe made the decision without really thinking it through. Sometimes putting others first is not a good thing and sometime you feel like its the right decision. But I haven't found that confirmation it was the right decision. I mean I know but wish I could hear or see something that would make me feel better about it. It also seems like when things are going bad things all around are kind of that way too or if you don't want to think about something its all around you. It's kind of crazy...and it makes it a little hard to really understand why it happens but I guess it helps make you stronger and able to help people around you that need it. Unfortunately it makes me feel nervous and it makes me feel overly emotional about the subject because people around me are dealing with it. Gosh I don't even really know where I am going with any of this...anyways who knows about anything really. Life is life just do what works for you.