So I started to blog on myspace when I first got it, but really now I hardly ever get on myspace and feel like they probably are useless on there...and not that they woudl be all the great here but I thought it would be nice to put them all in one place so the following are blogs that I did a while ago.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Changing Lives Part 2
So I wrote a blog a while back called changing lives and I am here again writing about people that have changed my life. As many of you all know I started to work at the Medical Alumni and Development office in September 2005, well I left that job February 2007 to focus on school. The funny things is I left on Feb 15th and on Feb 19th a great person started a job there. Before I even put my two week notice in my boss told me that I was going to love this new person that we would just perfectly mesh together and me being me was like whatever. Well I had heard great things about this person over the next several weeks. In May I struggled with the fact of asking to come back to a job that I loved...part of me wanted to, part didn't think I should, and part of me was scared that the new girl had taken my place and I no longer belonged there. As I sit here and type this I realize that the new girl is probably going to be reading this and I hope she knows that that thought was so long ago. Indeed I started back on May 7th just in time to work graduation brunch...which was also the start of a very great friendship. I had seen her in the office and had met her and had lunch with her a few times as a group with other co-workers but never really talked to her...just heard a lot about her and vice versa I believe. On May 11th while we were working on setting up for graduation brunch I remember her just started to laugh at me and told me she thought I was sneaky and was wondering why I was just laughing. That I just laughed all the time for no reason...I wasn't sure if I liked that at first...but I do have to say that probably was the start of this great friendship we have. She is someone I can really relate to...she's changed me in great ways. She has helped me relax and just laugh about things. She has taught me not to be too serious about what is going on in my life...that God has a reason for whatever it is he is putting me through. Her drive to live and her passion for life has changed me. She makes life fun...she makes the most random stupid things in life fun. My favorite experience with her is Reunion 2007...what a great weekend...we both wanted to kill everyone and anyone around us and it was great being able to have here there to calm me down and have her just make me laugh when in reality I wanted to choke someone. I haven't known her for long but I feel like I've known her for my whole entire life. I feel like I have no problems talking to her about anything and that she is always going to be there for me. She is one heck of a person that I am excited to continue to be friends with and get to know.
Someone that I just recently met that is a lot like the new girl...which makes sense since they are twins. I don't know her very well but what I know from her she seems like a great person. I hope that she can be someone that will one day change me as well.
Have you ever had someone in your life that has been there for a while but you never really thought much about them...I know that sounds mean but you didn't realize that that person or persons were going to change your life? For me I met this person in 2005 and at that time I wasn't really sure about the person. But I look back now and realize that this person has changed my life. She's really been there for me and she has taught me a lot...that things are going to suck at times but that you can't get down on yourself or on whats going on in your life. That things will be okay...we kind of opposites...but it works for us because when I am down she can bring me up and when she is down I can bring her up.
Do you ever think you get second chances with people? The first time I worked for the College of Medicine I met this wonderful lady, but didn't really become friends with her until my second time around. She now is one of the closest people to me. She really wants to see my succeed and she is really there to support me in whatever decision I want to make. She's a great Christian and she helps me with my struggles in finding my way. When I left in Feb she made me this box of inspirational quotes and I can't think her enought. It has helped me through some tought times. She is one of the most thoughtful people I know...she is always doing such nice things for me and constantly just blowing my mind away. She is a big part of my support system.
Over this past season I took at job at Macy's...and when I took it I was just looking for something to do in the daytime. I didn't know the job and the people would change me. They are a great bunch of people to work with...they had me smiling every single day I worked...even at 5 in the morning. It was very nice to have a different range of people all working together and having fun at times. I look at this job at Macy's as one of the best things I have ever done. It saved me from going insane sitting at home...but it gave me what I would like to call my second chance to achieve my dream.
I think I write blogs like these because I want people to know that you never know when someone is going to walk into your life and change it, or what decision you will make that will change it. For me my life has been changed most with the most unpredictable decisions I make or with the most random people I meet. But I love it. The person I am today is because of all these great people and because of all the bad and the good decision I made in my life. I hope that I continue to change because I am not ready to be the person I am right now for the rest of my life.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Just some more thoughts...
Lately I have been thinking a lot about God...It's been about a year since I last went to church maybe not that long. I am kind of weird I think...a lot of people go to church when the getting is bad and not so much when the getting is good...except for the ones like you that goes during both...but for me I am going when the getting is good and not when the getting is bad. When things get bad for me I seem to run. When things get hard for me or I get a little scared over what they are talking about I run. This isn't' just with God its just how I am...when things get to "close for comfort" I tend to run away...I am not sure why I do it but I do and I talk about changing it but I don't. I guess the big part of running is not wanting to see myself and not wanting to disappoint. Have you ever just felt so unworthy of something that has been given to you? Sometime I think about how unworthy I am to have certain people in my life...because it's hard to believe someone like me could have some of those people. I know it probably sounds stupid but I feel like I can't do anything for anyone. So in that sense I feel like I am unworthy...but one thing that I have always felt so unworthy of was God. I know that it says that everyone is worthy...or I think it does...its just that I don't feel like I am at all. I don't think I am a horrible person but I just don't' feel like I deserve Him in my life at all. I don't know why that feeling is there but it is. It's like a haunting feeling or something. I thought a few years ago that that feeling had gone away I was doing good I was going to church and learning about God and felt that I was making good progress to find out that I really wasn't that I was still really running. My roommate has decided that she was going to search for a church in Lexington, she wanted to find one she wanted to join and she asked me if I would like to join her. And part of me really wants to join her and find that church that I belong to up here but part of me doesn't...part of me feels like I am never going to find that place. I feel like I continue to struggle with this which I think is very normal...but I feel like I am never going to get to that place. I try to read my bible and I try my very best to understand it but I just don't seem to get it. I just don't understand what it is saying to me. I guess I haven't really figured out how people have such strong relationships with God. I think I have been thinking about it a lot lately because I am constantly hearing in introductions about ourselves God being mentioned. I almost feel like I am the only person that is struggling which I know it's not true but its just one of those feelings I have. I just wonder if I will ever find my place...is being a good person good enough....will I find my place....does ever person end up finding their place...I don't know I guess I am just questioning a lot of things. I look around and I see people that go to church every Sunday but I know that Saturday there out doing things that they shouldn't be doing but they are able to sit in church...like to me that is weird...I mean I know I have no right to judge others and I am not trying to judge even though I know I am...but it just doesn't seem right to me...because I am a kid that doesn't do crazy things on Saturday or do thing that I will regret in the morning or whatever else and I feel bad going into to church sometimes. I don't know what I am trying to say...thanks for listening...
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Just some thoughts...
I am not sure why tonight I am finding myself here writing a note...but here I am. I have had a lot on my mind lately...and I continue to have many things on my mind...I wish I knew what to say or ways to really describe whats going on in my mind...but I can't. Over the last few months a lot has happened to me...for a lot of you all you may not know but I am no longer in school...and in reality it wasn't becaue I chose not to go its because I am stupid and actually failed out of school...I think part of me is tired of telling people that I am taking time off when in reality I failed out...I couldn't cut the college life and so here I am paying for it. I was failed out in May...I tried to convince myself that it just wasn't meant to be, that maybe UK wasn't for me. I kept convincing myself it was alright and it would be fine...but really deep down it absolutely sucks and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I can't figure out why I am where I am. In May I returned to my UK College of Medicine job and continued to work there until September which at that point I took a job at UK College of Agriculture...which I only lasted for 2 months...it was a pretty horrible job for me...I kept convincing myself it just wasn't for me...but in reality it was just me...I had the problem with the job...and I just couldn't handle it...just like so many other things...I like to run away from everything...I hate facing my problems...so after leaving that job and feeling relieved about not having a job...the following Tuesday I took on another job...and a week after taking on that job I took another job on...I am feeling like nothing is ever going to satisfy me and nothing is going to ever make me happy...now about a month and a half later I am already tired of my job...and I don't know why...I love the kids I work with and most of the people I work with but man I just can't do it...I told myself in November I needed to slow down I needed to stop and see what I was going to do...and here I am just jumping and jumping...I just don't know anymore...what does God want from me...and why should I really expect God to be there for me...when all I have done in my life is just run from Him...all I ever do is just run...if you are my friend right now...I'd watch out because I am sure I will be running from you soon too...actually as I sit here I think about how much my job at the College of Medicine meant to me and how much the people there meant to me...and how much I am trying to run from them as well...I know its stupid but its so hard to be around them when things are so different now...my friends from high school...I came to college and completely ran from you all...and I am sorry for doing so...I don't know why I do it but I do...I just like to run and run and run....I am currently confused on what it is I am suppose to do...I think I have a lot of potential but I just can't settle for anything...is it because I get bored easily and can't continue down the path I am going....is it because I am scared that I will fail so I end up failing anyways...what could it be and how can I get myself over this...
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Work
So...on January 30th I quit my job and gave a two week notice...actually a two weeks and two day notice...which made today my last day. Today I am very sad...yeah I know it sounds so stupid that I could be sad to be leaving a job. I don't know how many people out there have ever had this experience of finding a job that you love, that feels right, that feel like home, that you do well in...well I found that kind of job one I loved, one that I knew that I needed to be there, one that I felt like I was at home...which really did become a second home to me...and not even that it was an extended family for me actually. Now if you have read all my blogs you know that at this job I met two very special people...but really they all became very special to me. I know some of you all that are reading this is like what the heck...because yes in high school I was not this mushy kid that got close to anyone...I was basically a punk to put it nicely...I am sure many of you all could come up with some other words to describe me but either way I don't care. Anyways...during my year and a half at this job I have changed immensly....which scares me a lot...but I know its for the better. I've become a better person. Its amazing to me how a job can change me. I have to say when I first started there I wasn't that sure about it. It was weird at first, but I love it. I felt weird going to a place that people had been working together for 12 years plus...in a place that originally wasnt going to hire me...to a place were I was second choice actually. So it was a little hard and I knew going in I would have to prove myself to them. I never knew a year and a half later I would be so sad to leave.
During my time there I got some great experience, great pay, great support, and best of all some great friends. During this time I met some wonderful people and this is why today I am so sad to be leaving. Let me just try to run through the people in the office I have met. As I have said before my boss was and is amazing. She's changed my life...she is wonderful. She is a always there for me and is always wanting what is best for me. Its just insane to me how great she really is. Words cant even describe...but I know I have lots to learn from her. Then her assistant at the time was someone that really could make me laugh....we spent a lot of time telling jokes and just having fun. I enjoyed that time a lot. She definetly is someone that I also have a lot to learn from and that really is there for me and very supportive...but with her its not as bad to be leaving because actually she left before I did and we still talk so I know that we will still talk now that I am leaving. She's really a person that knows just want to say and do to make me laugh when I am down. Then there is lady that I really wasn't too sure about...she has this negative attitude a lot...but deep down inside you can tell she is a good person. I got to know this person in a different way then I think most of the student workers do. I am kind of amazed by her actually. She's definetly not the typical person I know which made it great knowing her. I got to see a different side of myself. Then this lady that hasn't really been there that long I'd say 8 or 9 months at most has a totally different attitude towards life...one that most people don't have...every time I have ever seen her she has been in a great mood. She is funny in her own way...she's probably someone that I also don't think I would normally like...not that I have a type I like...but she has a great outlook on life and is very considerate. As well as she has a great story behind how she got where she was...and that story just gives me so much encouargement...and makes me feel good. Then there is the boss on the other side she is very nice...a little different and a little more mature then the rest of us and very professional...and well lets just say she isn't the favorite around the place...but I like her. She is very nice...yes she is very professional but I don't blame her to be...but to me she has shown another side of herself to me...its funny...we have had some nice conversations and she has joked with me a few times and turned out to be a pretty nice person...now I know this probably sounds rude but the one thing I learned from her is that I don't need to take my job too seriously, because I feel she does and thats why some people in the office don't like her...but at the same time I understand why she does. Then there is this lady that I wasn't sure about at first...I liked her but was very skeptical about her...just because I knew she talked about people a lot...which is something I don't like unless its a good thing your going to say about the people...but even though I didn't care for that that much she was a great person...she always listened to you and always had advice for you. She also has a story that I feel I can really learn from. Then there is this lady that is just a child at heart really. Shes a crazy old lady really...that does whatever she really wants and doesn't care what others thinks about her...which is something I need to learn from her. Then there is that is just hilarious...I love talking to her...she is so concerned about my life...and every conversation I have with her I end up laughing. She's this innocent...well looks innocent person that just cracks me up. She was really there for me when things got rough. Then there is this lady that drives me insane like crazy insane like you want to like slam your head into a wall crazy...and its not that its really her...its the sound of her voice that drives me insane...but I am not going to go any farther with this person because I was told if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. Then there is this lady that I wasn't very sure about...she was someone I heard that it was hard to get along with but some how we seemed to get along...and it was just one of those fun friendships nothing really serious I don't think she even really knows why I am leaving or anything...because we just joked a lot with each other...but I loved it...she just was funny. Then my big boss...at first I really didn't like her to tell you the truth...she scared me actually and she never could get by freakin name right and it drove me insane...but now I like her and I think its because she makes me feel good about myself....then there is this lady that just joined us recently...but she gets me...its weird but she seems to really get me...she curses a little too much for me but she is funny. There is only a few more to talk about...there isthe big big big boss that when she first started I head that I needed to watch out and to act alive...which scared me and made me not like her...but the day I wuit she was joking with me and talkign to me and laughing with me and everything it was so weird but great...great to know that I could get along with her...and today my last day she wished me the best and told me to come back and that if I was looking for a job to give her a call...that means a lot to me...and I am sure to anyone. Then there is a little weird but very nice...she scares me a little because I don't really like to be hugged and she hugged be 5 times in like a course of two days...a little weird for me. But she is very nice and I am sure I could learn from her. Then there is someone that is SO amazing to me. During the last two months that I was there I really started to get to know her and well she amazes me...She is a true Christian and someone that I will learn so much from and have learned so much from. I believe that God put her in my life for a reason. He put her in my life to strengthen my faith...because its not where it needs to be at all. She amazes me how positive of a outlook she has on life and every one...Every time I talk to her I feel so much better about things...I mean she is so considerate and such a great encourager. She for my going away gift gave me a wonderful card...with a box, a encouragement box...It has little sayings she stamped and wrote and whatever else on colored papers and cut them out all fancy...with a few other nice little perks in the box...but really who would really go through all that trouble for someone...thats the type of person she is. I wish that I would of had more time spent with her but I know that every single day she is making a impact on my life with this box. So...there is basically everyone that I worked with minus student workers and one person that I can't even really start to talk about...this person changed my freakin life...I am completely a different person...she is someone that I really can't believe we are the friend we are today...and I hope we continue to be friends..I hope that our friendship continues to grow. She had a immense impact on my life. You know how you have that one person that changes your life and your never the same...that you have that one person that no matter what you do or how made you make them they are still there right beside you...that no matter what you do they are there for you...well she is that person to me...I can't even explain everything that I want to say.. I can't express how I feel about anything to do with her...she is amazing and I know that God put her in my life for a reason and I have SO much to learn from her. So because of these people is why I am so sad to be leaving...and its so weird for me. I just don't know why I am so sad and why I don't want to leave. I guess I am on here right now writing to just let my feelings out. Well I am going to go read this little cards that were given to be today from each of the people I wrote about.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Changing Lives
You just never know whats in store for you. Things have been really working in my life. I feel that God is really pulling me and wanting me to do something, but I don't know what it really is that God wants me to do. I know that God is really trying. He has put people in my life that have changed me. I could never imagine what I would do without them in my life.
One day a student teacher was brought into my life. Her name back then was Ms. Jones and the funniest thing to me was that when I first met her I thought she was so mean and sacry. I had heard so many stories about her and I thought oh great, but she turned out to be really really nice. I am sure to her I was a big punk. When I met this lady I was a senior in high school, and I thought I ruled the school pretty much, so I definately had a big head. I remember walking in to her classroom and just sitting behind Mrs. Smith's desk and just talking away to Mrs. Smith. I remember just coming and going during the class. This was back when the livestrong bracelets were popular and I was wearing one. This to me is really weird that one day she was sitting there talking to me and was telling me how she would never wear the livestrong bracelets because Lance Armstrong was a Atheist. Then she asked what I believed in and I remember just getting up and leaving the room. I went to my next class which at that time was my independent calculus class and the teacher there knew somethign was up with me and told me he would pray for me...and I thought it was very weird because I knew that she was a very religious but we had never talked about it. I remember as I was sitting there I felt bad that I had left Ms. Jones like I had. I asked if I could go upstairs and talk to her...before I left I wrote a note to my teacher Mrs. Parritt asking if someone that didn't go to church could be a Christian. I went on upstairs to talk to Ms. Jones. At that point in time she told me she was sorry for asking me and didn't realize it was such a touchy subject. I remember just telling her I was really confused and that throughout my life I continued to run from God. This lady had never really ever talked to me this really was the first time she had ever talked to me and here I am spilling my guts to her and crying in the school hallway. But really I think I am just here really to let people know that you just never know who is going to walk into your life and change your life completely.
After meeting this Ms. Jones, I "met" Mrs. Parritt, actually I had known her for a while, but this changed everything. She amazed me by how religous she is and how she really cared for me and how she was really there for me. She kept helping me through all the steps to become a Christian, even though I don't feel like I am a Christian, she surely helped me out...she helped get me back in a church after four years of running, she helped me go in front of my church and committ my life, she helped me make the steps to become baptized. I mean she just did so much to help me out...and I can't imagine where I would be without her in my life. Its just unbelievable how much she has helped me and how much she means to me. I mean she was just a teacher to me and now she is my best friend and biggest supporter.
When I first got into college I had to get a job, but I didn't know that when I was getting this job that I would meet two people that would change my life. When I first got there I was this shy kid that had very low self-eestem and didn't feel like I was going to do anything with my life. My boss Mary Beth changed my life, but it wasn't immediately, but it doesn't matter how long it took...it just matters that it happened.. Its unbelievable that I have only known her for a year and about a month and she has made such a graet impact on my life. She really just makes things so much easier for me and makes things so much better. She truly believes in me and is always there for me. Sometimes I can't believe that I was even lucky enough to even meet her, much less be her friend, but here she is. She has done so much for me and so much to help change my life. She's watched me change and grow in so many different ways, celebrating my accomplishments and supporting my dreams. I feel like I have known her all my life, perhaps because she's dried so many tears. Because she's been so sweet and understanding in the toughest times she's made me laugh and smile. Always her concern has been for me. Today for example I wasn't suppose to be at work but I came in all upset and I know she had tons to do but she was there to really listen to me and really be there for me...and you can tell that she really cares for me...when I start to get upset you can see in her eyes that she wants to cry. That she feels what I feel...its great having someone like that in my life.
Of course I did say two people that would change my life. This second person is someone that I have only know for about four months...and I know you are probably saying four months how can they change your life...I would be thinking the same thing if it hadn't happen to me and it possibly could be longer that I've known her it seems like I've known her my whole entire life as if we knew each other in another lifetime. She at first was someone I really wasn't sure about which isn't unusually for me and I am not going to lie there are still time I am not sure about her, but I know that she really cares. She definately is a great influence on me. It all started by working on a stuffing and cutting task that she wanted me to come to her office and do and I did and thats when the friendship began. I think she really will change my life. She really is helping me become a better person. She is helping me get over so many bad habits I have and so many things I am scared of. She's helping me face my fears face on...and is so willing to help me in anything. She is a great person that I hope to continue to learn from. Specially with my walk with faith, she might just be the one thing that can really help me in become a Christian. She's great and I hope that we continue to become good friends and that she continues to change my life.
I know that I am very blessed to have these people in my life and I hope that I can one day change someones life like these people have on me. Its amazing how a complete stranger can change your life. Just remember you never know what is planned. You never know who is going to change your life or whose life you may change. I am truly blessed that these people and a few others are in my life, because without them I wouldn't be who I am. You just never know whose going to change your life. These people change my life every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. They are here to believe in me, they are here to help me in reaching my future goals, they are here to believe in me when I no longer can believe in myself, they are here to help me be that person that they know I can be and that I know I can be deep down. You don't have to do anything big, you just have to be there... There are so many things that these people have done for me, but I am sure they have no idea, they do it because they believe in me and love me and like me. So just remember to be open minded when meeting someone, to always be nice to the person next to you, because you just never know who you may meet and how much they may change your life.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Life Stories
To continue talking about my weekend I want to talk about the wonderful people I met. I met some really interesting people, that had great life stories. Lets start off with the guy that called me about a week before this weekend to register for our events. At first I was like here we go again..I am going to have to read everything off the sheet and wait for him to decide...pretty much that day wasn't so great. I had so much to do and I felt like I had no time. But when I didn't know when I started this conversation that I was going to meet a wonderful guy. This guy began to ask who was all coming and how he didn't think people would even recognize him, but he went on to talk about how everyone would recognize his wife, because she had not change one bit. During this thirty minute conversation he just talked about how beautiful his wife is, how she hasn't changed a bit since he met her and how in love he is with her...what a wonderful man...I hope I marry someone that talks like this about me to some complete stranger on the phone. I was really looking forward to meeting this guy, and of course the only person I checked in on Thursday was this guy...o what a wonderful guy. He was so nice, a little scary at times, but nice. I got to say if you didn't know him and didn't know me you would of thought we were flirting throughout the whole weekend, but I got to say we definately were not...but if you would ask one of my coworkers she would say that he was really flirting with me, was creepy and that I needed to be careful, but I know that he was so madly in love with his wife. He did scare me at one point in time, just because I don't really like to be touched. He came up to me during this event and talked to me about how wonderful the event was and continuted to talk about how beautiful he wife was and he made me stand there and look at his wife with him. It surely amazes me how much he really loves his wife. I got the chance to talk to him about his practice and about what I was looking to do with my future while I was at the event. He was very supportive of what I wanted to do with my future, and he told me that "I see the rich, so I can see the poor" which to me is really what I was thinking...I want to really help the poor people, but how can I help them if I don't have the resources to make it possible. But even though all that was nice to know the ride home was when the real stuff came out. He met his wife at the age of 2...can you believe that at the age of 2? They got married at 19...now I didn't really ask how old either one of them were, but I am assume 61 just by doing the math. They married at 19 and waited 7 years to have kids, and their oldest kid is 35, so doing the math it would be they were around 61. But when you look at the two you would never think that they were 61 so I may be completely off...it amazes me that 42 years later that they are SO in love with each other. I can't even imagine marrying someone at the age of 19 and being 61 and still in love with them like the minute I met them. This couple has four sons, and seven grandchildren, six in which are girls. I could definately see that they were very much in love with each other, after 42 years of marriage, they still hold hand with each other, and he still opens the door and shuts the door for his wife...I was just so amazed by the couple. Can you imagine being married to someone you knew when you were two years old?
Another wonderful couple I met just sold there home and bought a mobile home to travel all around in. I couldn't tell you how old this couple really was, but I know the wife was very nice and even though she did feel left out being there , she was loving just being there with her husband. She was telling me how she loved that they were both able to spend this time with each other and travel all over the world. This is something that I hope I get a chance to do. I hope that one day I will be able to travel with my husband all around the world.
I also met this doctor, that you would think would be really mad at us, because we messed up his registration and one of his friends, but he certaintly was not mad at us. He really was understanding and made it easy for us to make up for our mistake...except he did want a Tubby Smith Signed basketball...which we couldn't deliver. He seemed like he really enjoyed the place and the weekend. He all around was a nice guy.
Really there was SO many amazing people there that I can't even describe everyone there...but I know that these people put the faith back into doctors for me. I really felt like doctors were really in it for the money, but these people proved to me that they weren't all about the money, that they were really in it to help people and change lifes. The one and only reason I feel like they should have.
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