Ugh tonight I handle a situation all wrong. I have been having a rough time and struggle with finding a place were I belong and over reacted to a situation. I really have been struggling with feeling like I am missing something or feeling like I don't belong right now. So today when a situation came up and it kind of made me feel like crap I really don't belong I handled it all incorrectly.
I am not angry or upset that I wasn't invited, because in reality I knew I wouldn't be I think I was just wanting to be invited, if that makes sense. I know that I would have said no and told them to take who they were taking but it still doesn't mean it perhaps took me back for a minute. I know that I should be the bigger person right now and send them a text and tell them to have fun, but for some reason I just can't get myself to do it. I know that probably sounds stupid but I just need some time I guess right now.
It really sucks when you realize things and where you perhaps stand in someones mind. I think more than anything that is what is making this so hard. I don't think I should come first, but sometimes it would be nice specially when I tend to put them first above almost everything. I have done a lot of thinking about this and pretty much I have always put them first and its probably not the best thing. I love hanging with them and I know I put them first because I care so much, but still. The stats of 2 years I have taken them to ever basketball game says a lot I think. Its just very weird I think in someways. I feel that I should pull back but then I don't want to either. I really don't want to hurt them in the long run either...but there needs to be some kind of middle ground though right?
I dunno I am drained right now and just done processing it out. I think right now more than anything I just need some space because I shouldn't have had the reaction I had to this.
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