Just dunno

Today I struggled to get out of bed I think it was because I was nervous what the day would bring. Most of the weekend I felt that the job in DC had already been offered to the other candidate and they were just waiting for them to respond, then tell me that they had chosen the other candidate. I know that I probably shouldn't have been negative about it but sometimes you just know. Sometimes your heart tells you before anything else can tell you.

Today I checked my email and was told that a job I was looking forward to getting a second interview was no longer interested in me. I don't expect to be brought back for the second in most interviews, but this one just felt so right that its kind of surprising to me that I wasn't. O well though I guess, it just wasn't meant to be right?

At around 11:38 I had a missed call from a DC number, which was exciting and nerve racking. This could have changed everything for me...I could have been moving to DC and starting a new job or I could just be getting another rejection. After playing some phone tag I finally talked to them at around 1:30. Unfortunately I was told that they decided to go with the other candidate and that they had accepted the position. My first emotion was to cry, but that would have probably been stupid. It was a good conversation and he gave me the news in the most positive way, but it still makes things hard. It still hurts...I know that I probably seemed very back and forth on if I wanted the job, but in reality I wanted it a lot. I just didn't want to get my hopes up or see the looks that people would give me if I didn't get it. I loved the idea of starting a new life in a place that seems so amazing to start a career as well as with a great group of people. I kind of feel like I am not good enough right now, which I know its not the case specially listening to him tell me things but if I was as good of a candidate as he said why didn't I get the job?

The positives that are coming from this is that my reference really do believe in me. I was told I had some amazing references, which helps the situation. It also was a great experience to meet the people as well as have practice in my interviewing skills. As much as it stinks not to get the job at least I had a great trip with an amazing friend, that is always there for me. It was a great trip with them, it really strengthen our friendship and that is something I can never regret.

If it was meant to be it would have been...there has to be something more out there for me. I just got to keep on trucking. I am headed to the park for a run and some basketball...hoping this can help get things off my mind.