I've been in such a funk this week...well kinda. I think I have been kind of bipolar. I've had some good days and some bad days...but my mood seems to be changing a lot lately. I'm not really sure how I feel or what's really going on anymore. I think I put on this front and act like everything is just wonderful but are they really? Far from it I think. I'm actually miserable right now. I'm miserable with where I am in my life. I feel like I'm never going to find a job or be anything more than what I am right now which is a nobody. I also feel that the almost last 6 years of my life were for nothing. I have a temp job at a place that really isn't going to help me and will always treat me like a kid. Why didn't I get in and work harder in college and be what I really wanted to be instead if a temp person. Could my life had been better? Would I be the person I am today? Would I have had the friends I have today? Do those people make it okay that I didn't reach my dream? Why did I just give up? I wish I could go back and start college over again, well kind of. I wish I was starting my third year in med school instead of being a temp. I wish I just felt better about myself. I'm struggling with this.
On the plus side of things I did have a job that help me financially stable through the last 6 years. I have met some amazing people that have changed my life...so I guess I wouldn't be the person I am today because they have gotten me through some rough time and gotten me to this place...and given me more self confidence than I definately had 6 years agao. I have learned a lot in this job and have had some amazing experiences that I doubt I would have had without this place. I think in the world of who I have met that would be completely different and I am not sure how my life would be without those people so I can't say I am upset about that...just wish I felt more accomplished than what I really am right now. But life happens and I will be were I am suppose to be I am sure soon enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment